Let Pope Francis Speak!

An Open Letter to Pope Francis:

Hey Jorge!

Bet you never thought you would hear from me again, but I just thought I would stop by for a few minutes to offer some advice from the old neighborhood.  How about, “Shut yer yap or I’ll have to bust you one in the kisser!”  Just kidding, Frankie, you know I am a teaser, not a fighter.  But you, I am not so sure about.

I love what you been saying lately, Frankie, but it seems just under thought.  Good material, but the punchlines fall flat, if you know what I mean.

I mean first with the Charlie Hebdo thing, saying people should expect a punch (from you!) if they say the wrong thing.  C’mon, Frankie, you know that runs counter to the last three hundred years of social development.  I know that in the good old days, working over someone for saying the wrong thing was second nature for the church, but like Dylan said, the times they are a changing.  It is now the bad guys that work folks over for what what they say and believe.  Let’s try to get on the right side of history, Frankie!

Now, the breed like rabbits thing, that was kinda funny.  Well except for the people in Africa still dying of Aids cause your boys are still preaching against condoms.  Condoms never aborted anything.  But beside that, you had a bit of a point, even if it came out wrong.  When you said it, I was pretty sure you must be listening to the same radio shows on Irrelevant Radio that I am.  I can’t help but notice that every guy on the air (except the priests of course!) mentions how many kids he has.  Like some kind of badge of honor, like it tells everyone how big their wang is or something.  On the other hand, pretty much none of the women talk about how many kids they have.  Weird, huh?  So, I thought maybe the breed like rabbits thing was for the guys over there.

Unfortunately it wasn’t.  You was just telling married people if they don’t want kids, don’t have sex.  Again.  Everyone knows that is weird advice and you would too if you had kept working at that nightclub a little longer.  People get along together by having sex, it’s the way we are.  I know you don’t understand that, but once again you and your boys are on the wrong side of history.

Oh and complaining about “ideological colonization” after what the church did with the colonizers all over the world, made you sound like you never read a history book.  I mean how can you canonize a guy who had a hand in destroying indigenous Native American culture and then complain when other people share their ideas?  And then your boys explain it away like, “Well he was better than most of the guys in his day.”  Moral relativism?  C’mon Frankie, you know you don’t want to open that door.  Maybe you shouldn’t mention “colonization” any more until after the ceremony.

And now it is telling parents it’s OK to hit their kids.  As usual you said some good things in there, but somehow it didn’t come out right.  Sure, maybe a swat on the diaper of a two year old to keep them away from the stove might not be so bad.   But the guy said he didn’t hit his kids in the face and you thought that was nice for him not to do that.

NIce??  HItting a kid in the face is child abuse, Frankie!  And anything short of that is OK?  No wonder your boys seem to have trouble knowing how to act when kids are around.

And how do you hit someone else smaller than you and somehow allow them to keep their dignity, Frankie?  Part of me wants to get out a paddle and have you pull that robe of yours up and have you assume the position.  Let’s see how much dignity you have then.  I wouldn’t do that to you, Frankie, you know that, but you really should think some more before spouting off.

Cause, let’s face it, the problem among most of your flock is not that they might not hit their kids enough, but rather a bit too much.  You know, spare the rod, spoil the child, and all that.   But not hitting your kid in the face is not admirable restraint, it is common sense!  You should have said, “Not in the face is only the beginning!  You need to find a way to guide your children in the right ways with no violence at all!”  That’s where history is going on this on Frankie, and once again you are missing the boat!  Sooner or later you’ll have to get on the right side of history or end up in the dustbin of same!

If you want to chat sometime, you know where I am at, ring me up sometime, I could help you out with some phrasing or something.  And if you could send along an autographed picture for my very fine nephew, Alphonso, I would really appreciate it.

Always on your side,

Lazlo Toth

ps.  When you sign the picture could you use your real name, not your papenym, so Alphonso knows I know you!

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3 thoughts on “Let Pope Francis Speak!

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